Zig-Jag
James Baggott
Tip #1: it probably helps if your re-brand video doesn't immediately call to mind one of those (fantastically disturbing) 'Harry Potter Balenciaga' AI-generated videos.
Beyond that, I'm not even sure where to begin. Luckily, James Baggott was at the unveiling of the new brand and knows:
Embargoed until today, the event felt like a hallucinogenic sci-fi movie where the presenters were only allowed to speak in marketing babble.
Unveiling a new concept car – the details of which are still under embargo until December 3 – Jaguar’s passionate team spoke for most of the day about how they plan to ‘delete ordinary’ and ‘live vivid’. Whatever that means…
Tip #2: Probably not the best call to have an embargo to write about your event which is separate from the embargo for writing about the actual car – lest you basically invite reporters to focus on the bizarre...
In what, at times, felt like a drunken dream, Jaguar personnel walked journalists through its plans to ‘reimagine’ the much-loved brand over the next few years.
Calling it a ‘complete reset’, McGovern at one point told journalists that his team had ‘not been sniffing the white stuff – this is real’.
Tip #3: Do not mention "sniffing the white stuff" in a room full of reporters. I repeat: do not mention "sniffing the white stuff" in a room full of reporters.1
McGovern believes that up until now Jaguar has ‘not been allowed to be unique’ and that the Jaguar of the future will ‘stir the emotions once again’ and ‘make you feel uncomfortable’.
He was right about the last bit. After an hour’s briefing in a windowless room, the agog journalists were shifting in their seats.
Tip #4: Objection! Leading the witness...
After two minutes’ silence (for Armistice Day, not Jaguar) we were moved on to a house of mirrors style hallway where Jaguar’s brand design director, Richard Stevens, revealed the firm’s ‘distinct DNA’, all accompanied by a frustratingly loud spa/electronica soundtrack.
Tip #5: Maybe don't hold your grandiose and hallucinatory event for a product now being explicitly targeted at the "cash rich and time poor" on a solemn day generally treated with the utmost respect?
As guests tried to ignore the white noise, we were shown Jaguar’s new ‘device mark’ (or logo to everyone else).
It utilises a bespoke font and, bizarrely, combines upper and lower case letters to spell the word out as ‘JaGUar’. I fear for the pedants, this grammatical horror could be a step too far.
Tip #6: WhAT tHE fUCk?2
Next up were details of Jaguar’s new ‘Strikethrough’. This is 16 huge horizontal lines used throughout the new brand concept.
These lines are set to appear in the designs across the brand. For the assembled journalists this was illustrated with a visual demonstration that saw them walking through what can only be described as a barcode.
Tip #7: What the fuck? What the fuck?
Further down the hallway, Stevens welcomed us to the ‘Colour World’ (look at it shine). He explained Jaguar will use red, blue and yellow from the ‘painter’s palette’, but ‘never in flat colours’.
The Jaguar heavies wanted everyone to be packed in front of the colourful screen for this element of the unveiling to be bathed in the lights for the presentation. Only a few yielded.
Tip #8: Is this Pleasantville?
Then there was a display of Jaguar’s ‘maker’s marks’. This included the ‘Leaper’ – its prancing cat logo now embossed on brass and a ‘monogram’ logo that combines the letter J and R into a circle for the wheels and other subtle areas that need some branding.
The firm said it had used brass so that it can ‘age and oxidise’ over time – something the design team ‘celebrated’. All I could really envisage was owners spending their weekends polishing with tins of Brasso.
Tip #9: Okay, I actually like this, I think. Next time, just do this?
By the time we’d transitioned through Jaguar’s House of Mirrors and got to the reveal of the new concept car, some press were questioning whether they’d inadvertently been trapped in a cult’s conference. It was all incredibly bizarre.
After a fanfare of deep bassy trance and a ‘Strikethrough’ lightshow, a digital wall parted and the concept car was revealed. You’ll have to wait a couple more weeks until I can talk about what that was like.
Tip #10: See: Tip #2.
Honestly, don't hate these...
But really, unlike many others, I'm generally okay with Jaguar trying to rebrand itself as we enter the age of electric vehicles. I grew up with a friend whose father's prized possession was his "Jag". He would break it out on special occasions and drive it around the neighborhood. It looked cool. But my most distinct memory of the car is that it was almost always broken and incredibly hard and expensive to fix. It had a cool name and hood ornament but it also wasn't an Aston Martin.
Now, it seems, the company is trying to go higher-end, but less by copying high-end cars and more by copying high-end fashion brands.
Jaguar dealers won’t escape from the changes either. Not only will there be far fewer of them – around 20 in the UK – but they’ll be upgraded to display ‘pieces of art’ in their showrooms.
Jaguar will complement its remaining few with its own manufacturer-run ‘curated brand stores’. The first will be in Paris and will neighbour the likes of Hermes, Dior and Louis Vuitton.
Dealerships will have food and beverages that are ‘completely different’ – the firm want you to think more high end retail spaces to have a coffee with places to relax. Think ‘destination’ not just car sales, say insiders.
Ferrari has some element of this in their stores, and they seemingly do a good job of selling apparel with their branding as well. But it strikes me as incredibly hard to pull off. Perhaps especially if your logo already resembles that of Puma.
I do appreciate how "all in" Jaguar is going with this though. Beyond the acid trip presentation, they're going to stop selling cars for more than a year until the new ones are ready to roll. Osbourne, eat your heart out.
1 Unless you're Weird Al Yankovic doing a parody, best not to say "the white stuff" at all.
2 If I squint, literally, I think I see what they're trying to do here. As everyone must annoyingly know by now, in the UK, the pronounciation is "Jag-u-ar". But in the US, and as such, much of popular culture, that word/animal is pronounced more like "Jag-waar". Americans are crude creatures, what can I say? I'm assuming this weird camel-casing is an attempt to rectify that once and for all. But also: just no.